Age
Getting older
02/04/2026
A little while ago I wrote something about aging in my notes; I soon felt embarrassed to share it & eventually just deleted it.
Sav ‘Savannah Brown’ recently shared something in her story about ageing on instagram.
She shared something personal & it related. My words are; i'm feeling like i look noticeably older than I did a couple of years ago,
finding my first grey hair June 2025, different face, different body.
“there's i think an underlying fear that if i don't keep a grip over it somehow then it'll spiral out of control.”- sav.
And it’s strange, because my life has changed in ways I never could have predicted. It’s as though my identity has changed? 5 years ago I wouldn’t have imagined working for Penguin Random House, or Lush, or ending up at Foyles over Christmas 2025. I did bookbinding too yet again I would have never thought I would end up in hospital in 2023 for 2 weeks to get re-constructive surgery on my hand.
All of it has shaped me … my body, the not so sexy trauma, my mind, my sense of self. And sometimes I wonder: do I still recognise myself?
There’s something Sav shared “all my life i have been a young person. I think that's responsible for a lot of the tension. needing to let the identity change. Now i will be an older person“.
Growing older is supposed to be sexy, right?
It's experience, growth, learning - even the messy, painful parts.
I still haven't figured out my career. I spent four years trying to work in a bookshop, then suddenly had two interviews in one day and ended up at Foyles. l've been trying to get into library work for five years now - finally got an interview for CSM in January 2026.
There are still things I haven't managed to do.
I haven't been able to get my master's. I still desperately want to move back to Scotland. The job market is painful.
Sometimes it feels like trying, failing, and trying again is the only constant.
Still getting older, & changing.
Remember it’s sexy, fabulous, wonderful to move through the years right. 27
Maybe it’s a meltdown, maybe I’m self reflecting. Let’s leave my thoughts here.
Comments:
B.M “
I love your raw, deeply human yet deeply uplifting thoughts. As much as aging shouldn't be romanticised or idealised, the development and growth resulting from it should get a lot more appreciation. But it's much harder to compliment people on their "deeply rooted principles rooted in decades of intentional living" than it is to say "you look great, haven't aged a day!". Maybe we all need to do more of the hard things, both to ourselves and to the ones around us, because that's how we can begin to touch souls rather than masks.”
A.P
“thank you for this. it's strange because so much of what i wrote comes from feeling like i'm losing versions of myself, but you've reframed it as something being built instead. 'touching souls rather than masks' really stayed with me”
B.M
“I'm glad you resonated.
A great quote I read about aging recently was on the likes of: "When someone asks me if I wish I were young again, I quickly say No. If you finally completed a long hike and you're at the top of the mountain, enjoying the view, would you want to go back down and start climbing all over again?" I think it's such a great metaphor for how aging is adding to our being and not subtracting.
A.P
“Its almost like we're conditioned to notice and praise what's visible, because it's easier and quicker, but it skips over the deeper things that actually take time, intention, and sometimes pain to form. and maybe that's why aging can feel uncomfortable, because the things that are growing aren't always the things that get recognised.
It makes me wonder how different it would feel if we spoke more openly about those internal shifts, like the resilience, the changes in perspective, the values we build over time. Rather than just the external markers of 'doing well' or 'looking good'.
Really liked your thoughts too”
A.P
“That's such a grounding way of looking at it. it makes me think about how we measure progress, like we're so aware of what's changed physically or externally, but less aware of the perspective we've gained. the 'view' is quieter, but it's probably the most meaningful part.”
B.M
“love your thoughts on this. I wish more people could see things your way”
A.P
“That's really kind of you to say. Honestly, I feel like you really understand what i was trying to say, maybe even more clearly than i did when i wrote it. I don't even fully know if this is "my way" yet, it feels like i'm still figuring it out as i go. but maybe that's part of it, just letting my perspective change and not needing it to be fixed.”
B.M
“you can only trust that being true to yourself in the manifold ways that self will look like, is the only certain path to feel fulfilled into your old age :)”